The Pain, The Plan, The Progress

THE PAIN
I’ve been living with various amounts of daily pain since last May. The fact that this may be a lifelong ailment is something that took me far too long to come to terms with. I remain hopeful that I will eventually be pain free. I am definitely on the right track since February when I won my case VS. AIG and started receiving consistent and proper medical treatment. It's amazing what doctors can do when you ACTUALLY GET TO FUCKING SEE THEM. At least twice a week I see some sort of doctor – be it chiropractors, acupuncturists, pain management docs, or back surgeons. It has made a world of difference, and I am rapidly on my way to becoming healthy, which is my #1 and essentially only priority right now. The shooting pain down my back only comes rarely now, and the dull ache and tightness is (very) slowly fading. When I work out or lift weights the next day I get flare-ups and the pain increases, but it seems temporary and these are becoming more bearable.

THE PLAN

My plan has been for April and May to focus on primarily weight loss, with a secondary focus on strengthening the core. These are the most two important aspects and elements for having a healthy back, and recovering from the serious injury I sustained. April I have mostly been walking daily for an hour, and sometimes doing HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) on a stationary bike. I follow this up with various core/abs/back/Physical Therapy lifts and stretches designed to target my core and make it stronger and more stable. I have also interlaced light weight-lifting sessions only about twice a week. The main point of these is to get my muscles and joints acclimated to lifting weights again. My back is still not healthy enough to handle most of the lifts or bear heavy weight. Once may hits, I plan on ramping up my Hot yoga sessions. I’m going to attempt to go to it every other day. Hot yoga has been amazing for me; I feel great after, get a great workout in, and also strengthen my back.

Once June 1 hits, I plan on ending my Ketogenic diet, and moving to an Intermittent fasting diet. I will make a post about that when I have done more reading and research on the topic, much like I did about the Ketogenic diet back when I started this thing. Additionally in June, I plan to ramp up my training/cardio. The more weight you lose, the harder it is to lose. I imagine that once I hit around 210lbs, the weight will be very difficult to drop. I will also want to really start hitting my core and build more muscle in that area. It is for this reason I have decided to start the 60-day Insanity program. It is basically like P90x, but more focused on cardio and core workouts. Where P90x is a full body workout more focused on building muscle everywhere, Insanity is a ridiculous cardio workout which also has the benefits of strengthening the core. This will take me to August 1st. Once that time arrives, I hope my training and vigilance will render me healthy enough to start my true passion (with respect to fitness) which is weight training. I will probably never ever come close to lifting the weight I was before all this crap happened, but it is something I can work towards (Carefully!). The strength and the weight I lifted was never really a primary goal, it just came as a result of doing something I genuinely loved – PUMPING IRON!

THE PROGRESS

As of today, I am 219lbs. In the throes of my depression and pain, I got up to 235lbs before I stopped stepping on the scale. So, I’ve lost at least 16lbs in 23 days. I’ve been very vigilant with staying to my Ketogenic diet (which is fucking difficult, I miss a nice cold beer at the end of the day), and doing at least an hour of cardio every day. My goal is 200lbs by August 1st, and it is looking very doable.

I find that my mental health is directly tied to my physical health. That being said, I had a HUGE victory this past weekend. I went hiking for the first time since September of 2011. I hurt myself last year literally days after my summer break from grad school started, and I am just now healthy enough to once again start hiking. I hiked Mt. Monadnock on Sunday, which is one of the easiest hikes (for a mountain) around. Today my legs are still jelly, my back is still sore, but it isn’t the soreness that comes from having three herniated disks (beyond what I normally feel), it’s sore for using it for the first time in a long while. I’m ok with that. It was an enormous mental victory for me, and this made it even more sweet:


EXCELSIOR!

I'm done.

(on a whiteboard)
“LIFTING RECORDS, UMASS DARTMOUTH, 1998 – 2010”

DEADLIFT: 500lbs.
Cute.

BENCH PRESS: 450lbs.
That’s only 35lbs more than me.

SQUAT: 600lbs
Impressive, but I should be able to top that by the end of my first year here.

It happened the other night. That was it. That was the moment. That was the moment I got fucking pissed. Not at anyone else, not at my situation, and not at unfortunate circumstances outside of my control, but pissed at ME. How in the fuck did I become that way? That was the moment I was fucking done. I am done feeling sorry for myself. I am done focusing on what I have lost instead of what I have left to earn. I am done focusing on what I can’t do, instead of what I can do. I’m done focusing on what could have been instead of what there is potential for. I’m done being jealous or resentful of what others have instead of getting it for myself. I’m done thinking instead of doing. I’m done being fat instead of being healthy. I’m done avoiding my problems instead of attacking them. I’m done being depressed instead of being fucking pissed. No, pissed off isn’t happy, but being pissed off gets you places. Depression does nothing except put a man down and keep him there. Furious anger is more powerful than nuclear rocket fuel and I’ve just acquired a hellish supply of it. Fuck you depressed Eric. I don’t need your shit.

As I drove home daft punk came on. I turned it up. I turned it up louder. I put the windows down. I turned it up so loud I couldn’t hear myself think, and then I screamed. I screamed as loud as I could. I truly channeled my inner Goku. Have you ever done that – screamed as loud as you possibly could? Have you screamed unhindered by anyone else, or any social faux pas, or even the sound of your own voice? I did it again. It felt…. Amazing. I don’t think I have ever yelled like that ever. I had a tear on my face for some reason, and I hope that was the last one I will shed for a long time to come.

Back to the whiteboard though.

“LIFTING RECORDS, UMASS DARTMOUTH, 1998 – 2009”

DEADLIFT: 500lbs.
Cute.


BENCH PRESS: 450lbs.
That’s only 35lbs more than me.

SQUAT: 600lbs
Pretty good, I should be able to top that in a few months.


That’s what I remember thinking as I smugly stared at the whiteboard in the Umass gym. I remember thinking I could shatter all those records by the time I finished grad school. I did some warm up sets, and then proceeded to do five sets of five deadlifts at 500lbs. That’s just over 6 tons, or about 5 of my Honda fits. That’s more weight than most people move in a year. I did it in 30 minutes or so. I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember looking to my future with high hopes. I was just starting grad school, I could take the next few years to work on my education, my career, and my body. I remember that being the last time I was really in shape.

The universe will have its way, and it proceeded to have its way with me. A series of unfortunate accidents, unrelated to lifting, ruined all my hopes and aspirations. A snowboarder who shouldn’t have been on a black diamond ruined my day, and caused me to wipe out. I separated my right shoulder, and tore my right labrum. Fuck. I had dealt with a torn labrum before. I tore my left one, but I bounced back from that, and that shoulder doesn’t give me any problems anymore. I could get through it, and I did. That knocked me out of the gym for another nine months. Shortly after I recovered from that, I was involved in a minor bus accident at work. I was working with children with autism, who were very aggressive. The short abridged version of it all, is that this kid got up to attack someone while the bus was moving. I had to put him back in his seat, and put his seat belt on. While I was doing this some asshole cut the bus off, the driver slammed on the breaks, and I went flying and wretched my back over a seat. The next morning I could barely walk. It turns out I herniated 3 disks, and did some minor damage to my pelvis. To make matters worse, the worker’s comp insurance my employer has was Chartis (AKA, AIG), and they are fucking cunts. After only about two months of treatment they sent me to one of their own doctors who examined me for all of 10 minutes and said I was fine. Despite what four other doctors and myself said, AIG claimed that the word and recommendation of this one asshole, who was essentially paid to come to conclusions beneficial to AIG, was enough evidence to deny me proper medical care and benefits.

It took me seven hellish months get them into a court room. That’s a long time to have your life on hold. During that time I had no income, I couldn’t work, I had to drop out of grad school with only three classes left (all my remaining course work required supervised clinical hours, and applied research, which I couldn’t do), my back fucking hurt all the time, and I couldn’t do anything about it. So in court, well, this is what happened to them (pretend AIG is the car):

I got all my back pay (plus some damages), I got them to have to take care of my back for the rest of my life, even if it gets 1% worse, and I got them to pay for job re-training if I chose. Finally, some closure.

I used to be a paragon of health. I wasn’t just strong, I was strength incarnate. I essentially worked out at least 3 days a week (often 6 or 7) from 18 – 24. I used to do labor for work, then go to the gym and workout, then go do some other physical activity on the weekends (hiking, biking, climbing, scuba, etc). I used to almost never miss a workout. If I knew I was going to be busy, I would get up at 4:30 am to get to the gym before work. When I went up north to visit my girlfriend at the time, I would bring workout clothes so I could hit the gym up there before/after I saw her. I tracked every calorie. I timed my meals around my workouts for maximum efficiency. I tried every and any workout that sounded interesting. 5x5 program? Nailed it. German volume training? Sounds fun. Super-set routine? Let’s hit it. The only real setback I ever had before all this was when I tore my (first) labrum, and I bounced back from that relatively quickly. So now, to possibly have a lifelong back issue, is still a real shock to me. I will probably never power lift again, or at least, anywhere near how I used to. That’s unsettling to say the least. I used to lift for strength, but maybe now I can lift for overall health. Maybe now I can get that six pack I always wanted, which is pretty much impossible to do while eating 6,000 calories a day just so you don’t lose weight. Maybe I’ll actually get good at cardio. Maybe I’ll do more hot yoga or rock climbing. Those things are all attainable for me, even with herniated disks. One year from now I’m going to wish I started to improve my health and well being today. That’s why I started yesterday. When I started this blog (ironically) right before all this started to happen, I wanted to become a super saiyan. Maybe I won’t be a super-saiyan, but I can be a super-Eric.


MY BODY IS READY. I'm done. Or maybe I just need more Daft Punk.

WEIGHT: 227 lbs